all the world conspires.

january began at the faculty and everyone immediately hit the ground running... except me. i slept in for three days straight.

i know that we are meant to return from vacations well-rested, rejuvenated and ready to work. the problem is, i returned from my vacation wanting to go on another vacation. my body completely rejected any systems of structure. particularly related to being a student. after six years in post-secondary education, i am ready to be done. not only that, but seeing the world makes me realize how *little* i am actually learning by sitting in the classroom. i enjoy actually teaching when i am on practicum, but i constantly question whether this is where i am 'meant' to be.

i just finished reading paulo coelho's 'the alchemist'. it has been on my must read list for quite some time, and i was pleased to finally get my hands on a copy. while the novel has bestseller written all over it, i enjoyed the simple straight-forward messages within. sometimes, we get so wrapped up in complicated semantics that we need someone to spell it out for us. and this is exactly what coelho does. it is literally impossible to miss the message of the richest treasures being within ourselves. coelho uses a shepherd boy named santiago, and his journey to the pyramids in egypt, to show that all the world conspires to help us acheive what we are meant to, if we have the courage. he demonstrates the invisible chain that links one thing to another; and explains that it is a great lie that fate will simply take over - essentially calling for us to take an active role in our own futures.

but, has anyone noticed how exhausting it can be to find your own 'personal legend'? it is certainly not a simple endeavour. there are a whirlwind of job applications due over the next few weeks; dozens of information sessions and literally thousands of choices for what to do next year. i am not particularly stressed out and i am at peace with literally not knowing where next year will take me. but maybe i should be! this is a BIG deal. this is the start of my career, my journey on the road to my own personal legend. is it crazy to say that i am nervous because i am not feeling more overwhelmed by this enormity? i am not overwhelmed by potentially having a teaching job next year, but i am literally worried about never finding what i am truly 'meant' to do.

i know the type of life that i want to live, and the values that i want to live by - hopefully along this road, the whole world is conspiring and i just haven't noticed yet.