scattered.

i had some free time today, and i started to catch up on the blogs of all my friends that are scattered all across the world. especially being in another university town, it really struck home that i will never again be in the same city as all of my friends.

i went for a run in ames (a really lovely university town an hour north of des moines) this morning, and i started reminiscing about how easy everything was. if i wanted a gossip-fest, i only had to go into the kitchen of 454 frontenac. if i needed some quality alyssa time, she was only a quick breakfast date away.

with erin in colombia, ginny in mexico, jessie in india, carolynn in london, kristin in france and many other lovely people in various wonderful countries, it will never be the same. not to say that the friendships will end, but the consistency, the convenience and the quantity of time will change drastically. all of this - which i never even thought of as luxuries until now - is replaced with expensive phone calls, quick e-mails and blogs.

i certainly don't resent all my friends for going out and seeing the world. in fact, it is what i plan to do myself when i graduate from teacher's college, but as we grow up and go on new adventures, we will settle all around the world. i always pictured erin, ktq, carolynn and i as little soccer mom's together (now wouldn't that be a sight?). but most likely, the four of us will never be living in the same city again!

aside from mising them, i am so proud of my friends for going out on their own. i will just have to get much better at writing e-mails!

off again.

after being in canada for only a week (most of it spent at the cottage), i am off again on another adventure. i still have a few more posts to add on europe: one on paris, another on the crazzzy flight home, and another on what i miss about the continent. but for now, i must switch gears.

tomorrow morning, at some ungodly hour, i am flying to the american midwest. to be honest, i do not know what to expect from iowa. thanks to elena, i know there are over 93,000 farms in the state. i have also heard that the des moines airport is the biggest in iowa, and it only has TEN gates! i have never seen the canadian prairies, but i think that is what i picture - farm land that goes as far as the eye can see. jokes have included exploding cows and exploding cheerios, so i think i am in for quite the ride. lucky for me, i will also be able to attend the iowa state fair. i am sure no good will come of that!

more than anything, i am excited to be travelling again. i know that this is not a lifestyle that can be maintained by a girl who has not yet started to earn a living, but i feel most alive when i am seeing the world. twenty four hours after flying into ottawa, i was off to the cottage. and after a week there with lovely visits with all of our extended family, i am off again. staying in one place is comforting, but i am not ready to pick that place just yet. to paraphrase steinbeck, perhaps i cannot stop moving because i have not yet found all of my homes.

iowa may not have been my top vacation destination, but i am willing to go just about anywhere. i anticipate that this will be a vacation that blends excitement with huge amounts of corn.

mussels in brussels.

brussels has an identity crisis. it is a city that is almost impossible to describe. it has one of the most beautiful central squares that i have seen in almost all of europe, but yet its main tourist attraction is a pitifully small statue of a small boy peeing. and if you ask the story of mannekin pis, no one seems to know.

for me, brussels was more of a culinary adventure than anything else. the city was beautiful, but it did not leave me inspired. the food, however, made the trip worthwhile. from mussels and frites, to belgium waffles, to chocolate so good it melts in your mouth. i do not think i have ever eaten so much in twenty four hours in my life!

one day was enough to see most of the main sites, but it was a good thing i left, to escape the calories!

had a great trip.

amsterdam is a VERY unique city. everyone rides their bikes, the stench of weed floods the air outside of 'coffeeshops' (or smart and/or energy shops as they like to call them) and prostitution is a legal, successful business. however, beyond all the usual fuss of the city being highly liberal, it is a beautiful city to wander in. brown cafes (bars) abound, cafe culture flourishes, and the web of canals and narrow houses create an atmosphere unlike any other european city.

the legalized prostitutes and drugs may bring many people to the city; but i was drawn to the vibrant culture, interesting city structure and observing the side effects one city's attempt at pursuing liberal policies.

first of all, i never felt that drugs were in my face. i never witnessed anyone smoking a spliff in a public location, i was never approached for a sale, and unless i was walking by a coffeeshop, i never would have noticed a difference. in canada, people had a field day when the government considered decriminalizing weed, yet, it seems to function in amsterdam quite appropriately. in fact, i have heard it is generally the tourists who get ridiculously baked and cause problems. it is something to think about anyway. could the same experiment work in north america? i think many people worry that having rules and laws is better than no rules at all. but, is it possible that young people would actually smoke LESS if they had no rules to break? is it the drugs, or breaking the rules that they are drawn to? i don't know the answers to these questions, i am simply putting them out there.

the red light district is entirely another story. i ventured out one night, curious to see what it was like for myself. again, other than a few sex shops, there is no way to tell that prostitution is legal UNTIL you reach the scuzzy district itself. quiet, quaint streets open up into two long streets, filled with sex shops and strip clubs crowded with gawking men. in fact, i was probably one of only a few women, all of which were tourists! red lit windows lined the streets and displayed prostitutes of all races and sizes, waiting for customers. if the curtain was closed, they were in business. to be completely honest, i kind of got a kick out of watching the whole thing. it did not feel real. it felt like i was on a film set! however, i happened to catch the eye of one of the working women through the window, and her face has stuck with me for several days. i couldn't help but wonder, what brought her to this place? did she feel degraded by her job? did she like her job? was she happy? was it worth it?

i only had 24 hours in amsterdam, and the other thing i had always wanted to see was the anne frank house. i read here diary in grade school, but have always been fascinated by holocaust history, having taken many classes at university. they have transformed the house where anne and her family hid for two years into a touching, simple museum. part of the bookcase which hid the staircase to their apartment is still original, as well as all the pictures she cut out of magazines to decorate her walls. of course, the rooms were mostly empty (the furniture having been reposessed shortly after their capture), but the walk through was a sobering one. eight people lived in this small hidden apartment for almost 800 days. i kept thinking that my life has been so easy in comparison. they could not go outdoors, make noise, or do anything that could attract attention. in short, they could not really be children. anne went through more fear in her short life than most of us ever will. it really struck a chord.

my short trip to amsterdam was a good one. i didn't see any cows falling from the sky, or creatures crawling out of the ground, as many people do, but i had a brief look into a reality very different from my own.

the great trek.

most of my journey so far has gone in some kind of logical order. i have taken only a few long-haul trains, but most of my trips have been from cities that are fairly close to one another. until i decided to go from split to amsterdam.

yes, i am insane. and yes, it is as far as it seems. as soon as i went to croatia, i knew my journey back towards london (where my flight leaves next week) would be a long one, but i never guessed how eventful it would be. my train just arrived in amsterdam, so i have gone two days and two nights without a shower, a proper bed and my sanity.

the first leg of my journey began with an overnight ferry from split to ancona, italy. i did not pay for a cabin, so i was stuck sleeping in these airplane-style seats. lucky for us - or so we though - the boat was air conditioned. however, waking up at 1 in the morning shivering uncontrollably in a tank top and shorts was not as refreshing as i had first envisioned! in these sub-zero temperatures, i only slept for about four hours.

arriving in ancona at 7 AM, i was instructed that the train station was about 1 kilometre away. i hoped to catch an 8:15 train to milan, so i set off with my backpack, thinking that i had oodles of time. but something didn't feel right. so i stopped a lady who spoke little english, and she responded, "train station, about two kilometres". phew, i thought. i can still make it. fifteen minutes later, i still felt that i wasn't making any progress. i stopped another man, who said, "oh. train station AT LEAST three more kilometres." what is with europeans having NO sense of direction and distance? an hour later, i crawled into the train station, with five minutes to spare.

when i boarded my train to milan, i was slightly flustered and completely exhausted from my hike. as i lifted my backpack into the air to put it on the rack above me, it slipped out of my hands, and landed on my face. it gets better. i was wearing my glasses - and they got smashed. so now i out of breath, and blind. perfect. i am left with contact lenses for the rest of the trip, and still haven't figured out where i am going to find 300 dollars to buy new glasses when i get home. but that is another story!

i got to milan, excited that i would have five hours to explore the city before my next train departed. after searching the station for a few minutes, i discovered that there was only ONE ticket office open for international train tickets, and the line was about a mile long. needless to say, i saw none of the city. after more than two hours in line, i spent ten minutes being yelled at by the dude, and had enough time to quickly book some hostels in amsterdam and brussels. only ONE ticket office for all international tickets? what were they thinking? the problem was: you couldn't complain, or go and talk to someone, because there was no one to talk to. and, even if there was, i don't speak any italian! so we all stuck it out in line, our patience tested to the max.

i arrived in basel 30 minutes late, with five minutes to run to my overnight train to amsterdam. i slept relatively comfortably, was served breakfast on board, and only got to amsterdam 1.5 hours late. not bad, all things considered!

48 hours later, i have switched the heat and sun, for rain and cold. the biggest journey of my trip is done, and i am eager to live up my last six days in europe.

three months... and counting.

three months is a long time. it is an entire semester at uni, the entire summer in canada, and almost 100 days. some days, it feels like i have been gone forever. life has continued on at home, and i haven't been apart of it. my cousin had a baby, my family is at the cottage, and the garden has bloomed. other days, it feels like i left only yesterday. i have lived easily with only a few changes of clothes, only two phone calls home (sorry!) and and adventurous spirit.

it is funny, though, because there are a lot of ways that you can tell, some just by looking at me, that i have been away from home for a quite awhile.

1. i am perma dirty. seriously. i have dirt on my feet that will no longer come off in the shower! i will have to soak for days when i get home.

2. my toiletries are now an international collection: shampoo from germany, hand cream from spain, soap from croatia.

3. i have started to throw out my own clothes because NO human being on this earth should have to wear them again, or look at me wearing them.

4. standards have dropped. luxuries for me now include: showers with warm water (not necessarily hot), hostels that provide bedding (and if they provide a towel too... then it is heaven!), a semi-clean bathroom, fans (not even air conditioning!), a mirror.

5. i have accumulated a random bag of coins that i cannot exchange from the various countries in eastern europe that are not on the euro. it is weighing me down significantly, and i will probably never ever be able to use them again!

6. i am completely accustomed to men in speedos. i know longer look twice. bring on the speedos! boardshorts don't show enough skin. ha.

7. i have completely run out of money.

8. i have taken over 2000 pictures, and almost filled TWO HUGE memory cards. i know, i know, it will take me a year to sort through them all.

9. my flip flops are worn through, almost to the ground!

10. i have changed races. my tan is so dark that my makeup no longer matches my skin colour.

11. i have learned to like... actually learned to LOVE... european coffee.

12. my lonely planet has been well used and well-loved. in fact, it is torn to shreds. every country that i have visited, or will not be visiting has been torn out. what i have left is a sad excuse for a book!

three months. 18 countries. and counting.

travelling solo.

i have been on my own again for the better part of two weeks, and i have had a lot of time to read, write in my journal, and just think. after five years of being busy almost every single day, i never realized how wonderful doing nothing could be. being alone in your own thoughts for hours, and days is certainly a growing experience. today, will tanning on the beach, i started thinking about what i have LOVED about travelling alone; and by extension, what i have disliked about it. like any other experience, there are good days, and bad days. but unlike many other experiences, the good days are REALLY good, and the bad days, well, they suck. i think travelling alone, with its pros and cons, is something everyone should do at least once in their lives. in budapest, i met a man whose wife had recently started a new job. he had always wanted to backpack, so off he went to eastern europe for three weeks. i love that he had the guts to do that. i have met other people who are shocked and amazed upon meeting me. how could i travel alone? don't i get scared? aren't i lonely? i actually go to restaurants by myself? answer to all of the above: yes, yes, and yes. but, there is absolutely nothing more empowering, exciting and life-altering than navigating the world, and doing it on my own.

*when travelling alone, you are on your own schedule. you can do whatever you want, whenever you want, for however long you want. you do not have to compromise with anyone.
*you do not have to worry about arguing, fighting, disagreeing, stepping on anyone's toes, or being misinterpreted. no friendships can be broken or lost, and you do not have to argue about who is going to take the aisle seat.
*you do not have to argue over who will hold the map! because it is ALWAYS you, and you alone, who has to get your bearings in a new city.
*you have all the time in the world: to read, to write, to think. i have read more books and written more in my journal in these past three months than in the past five years put together.
*when travelling solo, you meet copious amounts of new people. often, people who travel in groups are less likely to make new friends on the road - because they aren't interested, or they don't need to. you can travel with them for a few hours, or a few days, and then go in seperate directions.

on the other hand:

*travelling solo can lead to loneliness. you can go hours, if not days without having a real conversation with someone. you are constantly chatting small talk: where you are from, what you do, how long you are travelling for. you begin to crave a meaningful conversation with someone who truly knows you.
*it is more difficult to sleep. i mean this in several capacities. firstly, it is hard to sleep in public places, because there is no one to keep an eye on your stuff. you are clutching your purse, using your bag as a pillow. there are so many horror stories of backpackers being robbed while sleeping on the train. as well, it is more difficult to find accomodation for one person. in hostels, there are often dorm rooms; but in places like croatia, guestrooms have been designed for couples, and few people want to rent to one person because they cannot charge as much. sometimes they even try and charge one person the price of TWO.
*evenings. during the day, it is easy to fill up your time by walking around, sightseeing, going to a park etc. but in the evenings, there are less things for a person to do alone, particularly a female. you get tired of going to restaurants and bars alone, and walking home alone in the dark is something i try to avoid.
*you are often on guard. i don't want to sound like i am always worrying, because i am not, but you really have to think about who you can trust. i probably am a bit TOO trusting, while many other female backpackers are TOO paranoid. in my experience, the world is generally filled with extremely nice people. however, travelling alone, you cannot take chances. perhaps someone genuinely wants to help you carry your bags, but the tourist books, and everyone at home would say 'warning warning'. it is something that is often on your mind.
*travelling alone is more expensive: you have no one to share accomodations with, share groceries, or split the cost of a rental car.

these are only the first things that came to mind. i am sure there are dozens more positive and negative things about travelling alone. in my opinion, the good certainly outweigh the bad, and i wouldn't have changed anything about this trip!

when i first travelled alone to australia, katie made me a mix cd that started with the song that goes, 'here i go now, on my own'. i still think of it as my theme song to my travels.