raisons d'etre.

i am reading an amazing book. it is called extremely loud and incredibly close. or incredibly loud and extremely close, something like that. the main character is a quirky bizarre kid who thinks about things in way that has inspired me to write more. the author, jonathan safran foer, has a way of giving this kid the most unique voice that i have ever heard in recent literature.

anyway. i am in playa del carmen this weekend with my housemate sarah. sarah is leaving mexico next year, and we realized that we wouldn't get another chance to travel together, so here we are. she also needed a little break from heartbreak, so here we are again.

it is currently cloudy and a bit drizzly so i have come to a little cafe to do some work... of course work has turned into chatting with my boyfriend fili on facebook and blogging. i'm definitely not at risk of becoming a workaholic. we are staying at a pretty no frills hostel. in fact, the website honestly states, "if you want luxury, DO NOT STAY HERE". they definitely did not lie. but for 20 bucks a night (including a great breakfast), i'm not complaining. i think sarah and i are both realizing that we are on the edge of wanting to hostel anymore. but our bank accounts tell us differently!

there is an expression in french, raisons d'etre, meaning "reasons for being". this quirky character in extremely close and incredibly loud (or the opposite) is constantly talking about his raisons d'etre, for example, making sure his mother doesn't get hurt. this got me to thinking that i haven't thought lately about my raisons d'etre. isn't it great when a 9 year old fictional character teaches you something.

a few of my raisons d'etre:

getting close to my family again, to make up for the terrible mess i made in high school/university
loving fili and being loved in return
traveling the world so i can constantly be reminded that there is more to it then just me
getting over depression/anxiety and helping others to also see the glass half full
teaching kids that the best best learning happens far far from a textbook and that school can - and should - be fun
to infect others with laughter and happiness
figuring out my true raisons d'etre, because i don't think i've found nearly all of them yet