counting sheep.

i can't sleep.

this is weird for me. i can ALWAYS sleep. i mean, i am definitely a night owl, but usually when i finally hit the pillow, i am asleep almost instantaneously. the culprit for me is usually that i had a late night latte or that i am really stressed about something that i have little control over. but tonight it is neither.

my mind is just racing like crazy. i have loads of time before i need to be ready to go to mexico, and i am off to the cottage tomorrow for a lazy few days by the lake. i don't think i am overly stressed or anxious about the move (maybe slightly, but nothing all-encompassing), but i think a few things hit me unexpectedly as i lay trying to fall asleep.

i was being fairly nonchalant about some things i have to do before i leave when i was on the phone with my mom today. this particularly flippant attitude achieves many things at the same time: it keeps me grounded and less stressed, and it doesn't worry my mother. however, she got kind of annoyed with me, and then said, "you know, moving to mexico is kind of a big deal". i obviously KNOW it is a big deal, but i have been trying to avoid the thought because i knew it would just stress me out. (hence the nonchalant part)

but now i am a bit worried. i have a long to-do list of errands i have to accomplish before i leave, which had not bothered me, until now. now, all i can picture as i lie here trying to fall asleep is one of those long long long rolls of receipt tape getting filled with an even longer list of thing i have forgotten. the perils of your own brain.

moreover, i had visions of this summer being THE summer where i would finally accomplish all those things that i have wanted to do for years and have never had time. you know what i mean: things like labelling your pictures, writing to great uncle so and so, re-organizing the filing cabinet, re-connecting with old friends, learning to golf and sorting through your sock and underwear drawer. so far, i have gotten a great start on all these projects (still haven't gotten to the sock and underwear drawer), but i am quickly running out of time! and it is bothering me that i only have four weeks before i leave and i won't finish my 'never had time to do' list. sigh. why is it that 'to do' lists are neverending? and who even has a 'never had time to do' list? i'm so weird.

so... having this conflicted attitude about knowing a fairly dramatic change is coming, but trying to remain fairly grounded and relaxed about it AND worrying that i won't have enough time to finish all my 'never had time to do' list are the culprits for keeping me up tonight.

in other news:

it was my parents 31st wedding anniversary today, and to celebrate, i cooked them a mexican fiesta feast. i have always told my parents that i was a decent cook, but they had never actually experienced it in person! with a little help from allrecipes.com, i created a delicious salsa (cut up one avocado, one mango, one small red onion, some peppers... hot if you like, some coriander and mix together with the juice from a lime) for an appetizer (with tostitos) and made my first attempt at enchiladas. great success with the enchiladas! i had absolutely NO idea how they would turn out, but they were a hit. cooking a meal is significantly cheaper than going out for one, and we got to lounge around with wine and eat outside in the backyard. talk about the whole enchilada.

i'll be off to the lake for a week tomorrow morning. no internet access so things here will be relatively quiet! hopefully the fresh air and waterskiing will melt these 'to do' and 'never had time to do' lists from my brain. i just re-read that and sound like such a nerd.

nite.