13.1

"dear running: i'd like to thank you for giving my fiance a tight ass" - random guy with sign.

"tough cookies never crumble" - t-shirt of the girl running directly in front of me.

"13.1? 26.2? all of you are fucking crazy!" - another random guy with sign.

"i've never liked crowds anyway" - a sign for all of us closer to the back of the pack.

"what the hell have i gotten myself into?" - my thoughts when i crossed mile 7 and realized i still had to almost DOUBLE what i had already done.

i ran my first half marathon yesterday. it was in austin, texas, on valentine's day. 13.1 miles, or 21 km. if you didn't know, its really far. really really far. its not that far for the people that run it in an hour and a half. but for people like me, it takes all morning! i signed up for it a few months back as an excuse to get in shape. and truthfully, i wasn't ready. not for the full distance. the first 15 km were really good. i felt strong, i felt in control, i felt good about life! this one guy who was cheering tapped his finger to his temple as i passed, as if to tell me, your power is all up there. i believed him! until, then, all at once, it hit me. my knees started to ache, and the hills started to come. and i had to start walking. i didn't walk tons, i interspersed 2 or 3 minutes of walking with 5 minutes of running, but i still felt great because people around me were all doing the same.

i didn't train for speed or a particular time, in fact i didn't really train at all. i wanted to see if i could do it. and i did. it is a very empowering feeling! and i realized that since i could do it - without killing myself - that the next time i will build up to it, so the last 5 km aren't such a shock to my system.

i was so proud of myself when i ran across the finish line, but sadly, there was actually no one there to greet me! i had just run for 2 hours and 58 minutes, and i ended up getting my cute t-shirt and eating a bag of chips alone. a party for one. i had come with some people, who had all been running, and i don't know anyone in austin. it all felt pretty anticlimactic, and then, the day went downhill from there. i won't go into details, but all i can say is that life never lets you be happy for too long, it needs to balance you out with some shitty-ness to go along. the incredible vibe and high from my race definitely got overshadowed. i'll have to go back next year to experience it all again.

i feel an extreme sense of pride for running and completing; but it is also paired with a deep sadness and sense of loss. a mix that my mind can't really comprehend.

anyway. i'm back in monterrey now. there's another half in monterrey in april. dearest running, do i dare take you on again?