nothing but the truth.

kids say the darndest things. they really do. my days are continually made brighter by their witty remarks, completely unbeknownst to them. obviously i laugh with them, at them... even behind their backs. but they can never know how hilarious i really think they are. how would they ever take my discipline seriously when they know i am laughing inside?

for example, as i am trying to teach a very very serious lesson (can you pictures it?) on patterning, this kid finds tape and creates a mustache for himself. speaking in a british accent, he says, "hello, i am king arthur..." WHAT? where do they get these things? caught somewhere between anger at the interuption and genuine glee that he has actually heard of a major historical figure, i simply continued the lesson and took the tape away. i turn back around for a few minutes, and these kids have found more tape and have created beards for themselves as well and suddenly i am in a room of old british generals. it was literally impossible to keep a straight face. this morning, to show that i could play their game -- i wrote on the board, and turned around with my own masking tape mustache. it was quite the fashion statement, let me tell you.

i have another kid who lies directly to my face. and to every other face in the building. his lies are so bad that it is almost flabbergasting. picture something along the line of this: you watch a child take a book and put it into his backpack. when you explain later that you are looking for the book, the child searches frantically along with the others and when approached he answers in the most innocent voice, "no miss fleming, i haven't seen it..." logic, truth and honesty mean nothing to this kid. he downright lies ALL the time! he wouldn't even begin to change his story until i took his bag to look for myself... and after that the story would take on a life of its own. seriously, this was not the way it was for me! i once lied to my parents right to their face (after being caught swiping a twenty from my mom's purse when i was 7) but i broke down after about 30 seconds. these kids can make up quite the scenarios, and go on for days!

other moments of note:

1. to a non-pregnant teacher while poking her tummy: "is there a baby in there?"

2. catching the kids passing a note asking, "do you even like so-and-so? she is in gred too"

3. child: "miss fleming, are you married?"
me: "no."
child: "why?"
me: "because i haven't found the time yet"
child: "well, you look like you should be married"

4. during lunch:
my class: "miss fleming, can we play the quiet game?"
me: "what is that?"
my class: "we are really quiet and you tell us if you hear voices"
me: "gee, let me think..." (of course, they will ALWAYS have my permission to play the quiet game)

5. during shared reading:
me: "can anyone tell me a fact about animals?"
kid: "turtles are faster than chickens"
me: "at what?"
kid: "at life"

6. in jk/sk:
me: "can anyone tell me about the letter b?"
kid raising his hand, about to explode with excitment: "well... it is.... well.... on the weekend, i went to grandma'sand she gave me a dollar and then i had a sleepover in napanee and mom said that i couldn't eat more cake and in the summer i want to go swimming."